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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26396692">Songbook</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/awgaskarth0805/pseuds/awgaskarth0805'>awgaskarth0805</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>All Time Low (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotional Hurt/Comfort</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-20 09:14:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,950</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26396692</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/awgaskarth0805/pseuds/awgaskarth0805</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack finds some concerning things in Alex's songwriting book.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Songbook</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Dude, I’m so excited to work on more music I have some songs that I think you’ll really like,” Alex said as Jack drove the two of them out of their high school parking lot, and towards his house.<br/>“Me too! Do we really have to do that stupid math homework before we write, though?” Jack asked, sounding annoyed.<br/>“Yes, we do. Do you honestly think you’re going to want to do it after we write?” Alex asked, laughing some.<br/>“Well, no, but I don’t even want to do it now, so does that question even have a point?” Jack continued.<br/>“Yeah, it does. It’ll only take, like, thirty or forty-five minutes tops, so it won’t be too bad,”<br/>“I guess you’re right, it’ll make getting to write feel like a treat,” <br/>“See, that’s a good way to look at it!” Alex exclaimed with a small smile. Jack turned up the stereo in his car, and they spent the rest of their drive listening to Green Day. <br/>Eventually, they arrived at Jack’s house, and were glad to see that they’d have the house to themselves.<br/>“Let’s do our homework in the basement, then we’ll already be down there when it’s time to start writing,” Jack suggested, unlocking his front door.<br/>“Dude, I think you just described a whole new level of lazy,” Alex laughed as they made their way downstairs, and set themselves up on the couch.<br/>“Let’s get this stupid precal shit done, I really hope it won’t take too long,” Jack said, pulling his textbook and a loose piece of paper out of his backpack.<br/>“It won’t, this chapter actually makes sense to me, so I can help you if you get stuck,” Alex offered.<br/>“Can’t you just do my work for me then? That would really make all of this go faster, wouldn’t it?” <br/>Alex rolled his eyes at Jack’s statement.<br/>“Maybe, but I’m not doing that. You need to actually learn this, we have a test next week over this shit,” Alex pointed out.<br/>“Shit, I forgot about that. I guess you’re right, let’s just get it over with,” Jack decided.<br/>“Good idea,” Alex agreed, as they started to look at their assignment. <br/>Just seconds later, Jack looked over to Alex.<br/>“Dude, I’m already confused, none of this makes sense,”<br/>“You really are the worst when it comes to math, dude. I’ll try to explain this to you, but I really have to use the bathroom first,”<br/>“Don’t take too long, I need your help dude,” Alex laughed as he made his way over to the bathroom. <br/>Jack looked down at his textbook and realized that just one piece of paper wasn’t going to be enough for this assignment, since they had to show all of their work to get credit. He dug through his backpack, hoping to find just one more sheet of paper, but had no luck. While he didn’t really want to go through Alex’s things without asking, Jack decided to open up Alex’s backpack, and pull out the first notebook he could find. <br/>Jack opened it up, and saw that it was Alex’s songwriting notebook, that also seemed to double as a journal. He knew snooping around was wrong, but Jack decided to flip through it, excited to see what Alex had worked on. <br/>There were a lot of their early songs in the beginning, which Jack thought was cool, since they were much more developed now. Jack continued to flip through the notebook and started to find some things that had been written within the last month, and it surprised him, to say the least. <br/>All of the songs were very depressing, and the journal entries were just as sad. Alex had entry upon entry about how he was struggling to carry on and be okay, and Jack started to feel anxious, and surprised that he’d had absolutely no idea that Alex felt this way. <br/>Jack was too hyper fixated on the notebook to hear Alex walk back over to the couch. As soon as Alex realized what Jack was doing, he felt both anxious and angry.<br/>“Jack, what the fuck are you doing? Why are you going through my songbook?” <br/>Alex quickly snatched his book from Jack, who looked up Alex, and could immediately tell how upset he was.<br/>“Alex, I just wanted to get some paper, I didn’t mean to read-“<br/>“What do you mean you ‘didn’t mean to?’ You clearly meant to, otherwise the book wouldn’t have been open in front of you!” Alex exclaimed, his face turning red.<br/>“No, I meant that I didn’t mean to get that notebook. I just wanted some paper, and that was the first notebook I found. I know I shouldn’t have gone through it, but I wanted to see the new songs you wrote. I promise that I didn’t mean to invade your privacy or piss you off,” <br/>“Look, why don’t we just forget that this even happened, and not talk about it anymore?”<br/>“No, we can’t do that, man,”<br/>“Why not? That shit was all supposed to be private,” Alex countered.<br/>“I know, but the stuff I read was really concerning, dude. Like, I get that you weren’t ever planning on showing me that, but I’m kind of glad I found it on my own. You’re my best friend, and it breaks my heart that you feel how you described in those lyrics and journal entries. Also, it really scares me, too,” <br/>Jack watched the intense, angry look on Alex’s face turn into a nervous one, showing him just how sensitive this all was for Alex.<br/>“I’ll be fine, you don’t have to worry about me. I can handle this,”<br/>“I know you think you can, but this isn’t something you should keep to yourself, it’s serious. This isn’t good, it’s dangerous, and I don’t want anything to happen to you. Why didn’t you tell me that you’ve been struggling so much? You know I’d do anything to help you,”<br/>“I don’t know, I guess I didn’t want to seem weak or something. This all started off as something really small, I thought I was just having, like, mood swings. I eventually realized that I was wrong, and it all started to spiral, but I didn’t know how to fix it. It’s been really hard, man, like, I just can’t get out of this deep hole I’ve dug myself into, and that makes me feel pathetic and worthless,” Alex explained, his voice cracking as he started to tear up.<br/>“Alex, I need you to be honest with me about something; have you ever thought about hurting yourself?” <br/>Jack scooted closer to his friend and put an arm around his shoulders.<br/>“I mean, a bit, I guess. I mentioned that in one of the entries when I legitimately considered it. The thought of doing something like that to myself honestly scares the shit out of me, but sometimes I feel like I deserve it,” Alex started to cry more, leaning into Jack.<br/>“Holy shit, I’m sorry you’ve felt that way, I really wish I’d known so I could’ve tried to help you. I promise you that you don’t deserve it, and you don’t deserve to feel this way. From here on out, I’m going to be here for you and try to help you with this,”<br/>“I don’t want to burden you, that’s the main reason I never told you about this,”<br/>“I understand not wanting to be a bother and everything, but you wouldn’t be, and I really mean that. Alex, all of the stuff that I read, the entries and songs, shouldn’t be taken lightly, by you or anyone. It’s serious, and I want you to get the help you clearly need,”<br/>“Do you think we could just, like, not tell anyone else about all of this?”<br/>“I’m sorry, but I can’t promise you that. I know it’s all super hard to talk about and acknowledge, but you can’t prevent yourself from getting the help you need, just so you can keep this a secret. I’ll do everything I can for you, because you’re my best friend and I love you, but I’m not a trained mental health professional, I can only do so much. You might have to talk about this more, actually, you will have to talk about it more, but that’s a good thing, it’ll be a step in the right direction. I’ll be right there with you when you do have to talk about this again, if you’d like me to be,” Jack explained.<br/>“I’d really like that,” Alex replied in a small voice.<br/>“That can definitely happen, then. I hate that you feel this way, but I’m glad we’re having this conversation, so we can hopefully stop things from getting worse. I hope this will be the first step in things getting better for you,”<br/>“I am, too, even if this is a little embarrassing for me,”<br/>“You have nothing to be embarrassed over, I promise. Life is hard sometimes, that’s just part of human existence. Feeling this way isn’t abnormal, but going through it alone is a recipe for disaster, as I’m sure you’ve started to figure out. I promise, you won’t have to go through any of this by yourself anymore,” Jack said, hugging Alex closer to him.<br/>“Thank you, Jack. This is honestly the first time I’ve felt hope in such a long time. You’re a really good friend,” Alex wiped the tears from his eyes, and tried to smile in thanks to his friend.<br/>“So are you, which is why I can’t let anything bad happen to you. We’re going to get through this together,” Jack promised.<br/>“I’m sorry I got so mad and defensive when I saw you going through my notebook, I know you were just concerned and wanted to help,”<br/>“No, you had every right to feel that way. I don’t blame you for being mad, I shouldn’t have gone through your stuff without asking. That being said, I’m kind of glad that I did, but it was still wrong of me to do that,”<br/>“I’m kind of glad you did now, too, but I wish I’d just been honest with you when shit started to get bad for me,” Alex said, sounding a bit embarrassed.<br/>“I can understand why you didn’t, this stuff can be really hard to talk about. Either way, I’m glad that I know now, and can do everything I can to help you. From now on, it’s you and me versus the problem, you’ll never have to deal with this shit alone anymore,”<br/>“Seriously, thank you, you really are the best friend a guy could have. This is a bit off topic, but I’m not really in the mood to do anything right now, like homework or songwriting. I think I need a little bit to get myself together before I can do something that requires so much thinking and focus, I’m sorry,” Alex admitted.<br/>“That’s totally okay, man. Even if you’re not up for doing anything at all today, I promise that it’s fine. Why don’t we just watch some TV for now?” Jack suggested, grabbing the remote.<br/>“I’d like that,” Alex replied, as he put on a show they both really liked. <br/>While what they’d just talked about certainly hadn’t been easy, both boys were glad they’d had this conversation. Jack was glad that he could help his friend as much as he could from now on, and Alex was relieved that he no longer had to suffer in silence, and that he had his best friend by his side to help him, no matter what life threw his way.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey guys, this is something I wrote a couple-ish weeks ago on what wasn't a particularly good mental health day that I've decided to post, because I don't have anything else written as of right now. Please send in requests if you have them, I love writing your all's ideas!! Thank you for reading, and another fic will be up soon! Lots of love, Liv.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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